


Hot N Cold

by Domeaspreadsheet



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Laughter During Sex, M/M, excessive dragging of House Hunters, how is that not a tag that's like every time for me, sex that doesn't go exactly as planned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 13:25:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12532488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Domeaspreadsheet/pseuds/Domeaspreadsheet
Summary: Reason #45 - Your Condoms are About to ExpireHarry squints at the box. “Why are you showing me a box of Icy Hot condoms? I feel like I’m missing something.”“They are NOT Icy Hot condoms, Harold. They’refire and ice. They’re supposed to be nice! I bought them for our two month-iversary, but we got tested before that rolled around and they got shoved in the back of the drawer. But they’re about to expire and I don’t want them to go to waste.”“Lou, I really appreciate the ten bucks or whatever you spent on those, but we haven’t used a condom in ages, and I’m pretty sure Niall used them once and said it was, in fact, like putting Icy Hot on your dick. Which, I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound pleasant to me.”Louis looks at him skeptically. “Really? We’re trusting Niall on this?’“Yeah, Lou, I’m going to trust Niall on this one. You know his knee acts up. If he says something is like putting Icy Hot on your dick, I believe him.”Louis tilts his chin down to look up at Harry through his lashes, which he bats a couple of times. “What if I asked nicely?”





	Hot N Cold

Harry is sitting on the couch, watching House Hunters, wondering if anyone has ever heard of the concept of paint, when Louis shouts at him from down the hall. 

“Harry!”

“What?” he shouts back, unwilling to get up unless it’s truly important. He’d had a long day at work, and just wants to...sit. Maybe get a pizza later. Definitely some couch snuggling. 

“Come here!”

“Do I have to?” he shouts back.

He hears Louis groan, a drawer slam shut, and then he’s stalking down the hallway into the living room, where he plants himself in front of Harry, one hand on his hip, the other behind his back. 

“I _found_ a surprise, but you’re not cooperating. So now I’m not sure if you even deserve it,” Louis says, arching a brow at Harry. 

Harry leans forward to hook a finger in the waistband of his sweatpants. “I promise I care, baby, I do.” He rubs his finger back and forth, then pinches Louis lightly on the stomach. “But also, you’re blocking my view of these horrible people bypassing the Craftsman of my dreams over the wrong color countertops.” 

Harry quickly pulls his hand back and reaches for a pillow to block whatever Louis has just thrown at him. The box bounces off the pillow and lands on the floor, the purple and pink foil packaging catching the glow of the lamp. 

“Harry Edward Styles, you are the worst! I don’t know why I live with you! And…” he trails off, turning to look at the television. “Those people are _idiots_ , did I just hear them say they want to cover the original hardwood floors with _carpet_?!” 

He dramatically turns and plants himself on the couch next to Harry, nudging him in the thigh with his foot. “Turn it up, what are these assholes going to do next? Say they want to put up wallpaper or some shit?” 

Harry smiles to himself but obliges, turning the volume up just in time to hear, “We’d really love to have room to entertain,” which he and Louis say at the same time. 

“Jinx, you owe me a blowjob!” Harry shouts, gleefully. Louis _always_ beats him to it, but not this time. This one is his, dammit. 

Louis looks smug. “Well, I came to ask if you wanted to fuck me, but I guess,” he heaves a fake sigh and rolls his eyes, “I can give you a blowie.” 

Oh. Well. In that case. “I’ll take a rain check on the beej, and we can still do the me fucking you thing?” Harry quickly suggests, hopefully running a hand up Louis’ thigh. 

“No, no. That’s okay. Winner’s spoils and all, you know? Wouldn’t be fair. Pants off, let’s go.” 

Harry never thought he would be in a situation where he wants to get _out_ of being on the receiving end of a blow job, and yet here he is. 

Louis seems to have decided he’s taking too long, and is actively trying to pull his sweatpants down his thighs. Harry bats his hands away. “Lou, will you just chill for like, two seconds?”

Louis sits back on the couch, and flings an arm into the air. “Well, it only took a year and a half for the sex to go. Shame. Shall we go pick out ugly teacups and perhaps a cat to live in celibacy alongside?”

Harry looks at him and shakes his head. “You are...the most ridiculous person I have ever met, my god. In all seriousness, I’m willing to forgo my victory blowjob if you need something else from me. You know that, right?” 

“Yes, Harold, I know that. But you never win the jinx blowjob, I feel like you deserve this one, you know?”

Harry hums. “Well, you make a valid point. But in the interest of weighing all my options, what were you going on about before that happened?”

“Oh, yeah. Look what I found!” Louis leans forward off the couch to pick up the box that’s now on the floor. He picks it up and holds it out proudly for Harry to inspect.

Harry squints at the box. “Why are you showing me a box of Icy Hot condoms? I feel like I’m missing something.”

“They are NOT Icy Hot condoms, Harold. They’re _fire and ice_. They’re supposed to be nice! I bought them for our two month-iversary, but we got tested before that rolled around and they got shoved in the back of the drawer. But they’re about to expire and I don’t want them to go to waste.”

“Lou, I really appreciate the ten bucks or whatever you spent on those, but we haven’t used a condom in ages, and I’m pretty sure Niall used them once and said it was, in fact, like putting Icy Hot on your dick. Which, I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound pleasant to me.” 

Louis looks at him skeptically. “Really? We’re trusting Niall on this?’

“Yeah, Lou, I’m going to trust Niall on this one. You know his knee acts up. If he says something is like putting Icy Hot on your dick, I believe him.” 

Louis tilts his chin down to look up at Harry through his lashes, which he bats a couple of times. “What if I asked nicely?” 

Harry stares at him for a beat, then sighs. “Okay. Fine. I’d like the record to show that I think this is a terrible idea, and I’m only doing it for you, and when this inevitably turns out to be a terrible idea I reserve the right to say ‘I told you so.’ And also, you’re going first, obviously.” 

“Would you like a notary to sign off on this as well? C’mon, Haz. Walk on the wild side of contrasting sensations! Wait, what do you mean I’m going first?”

“Well, if you’re so dead set on “the experience” shouldn’t we both get it? Let’s just, like, get hard, and then each put one on and then if we don’t die I’ll fuck you?”

Louis gives him an appraising look, and places the box on the cushion behind him. “Fine. _Now_ can I take your pants off?”

Harry presses a quick kiss to Louis’ cheek. “You may proceed.” 

Louis gets on his knees in front of Harry, and grabs the waistband of Harry’s sweatpants, successfully pulling them off this time, Harry lifting his ass off the couch in assistance. Louis throws them to the side, runs his palms up Harry’s thighs, and leans forward to put his lips around the head of Harry’s dick, swirling his tongue around the tip, feeling it begin to harden. 

Louis ducks down further, taking more of Harry into his mouth, and cups Harry’s balls in his right hand, Harry thrusting his hips up softly.

Harry hums, and says, “Feels so good, baby.” He bumps the back of Louis’ throat and moans, Louis swallowing around him. Louis bobs up and down several more times, and Harry says, “Can’t believe I’m giving up a victory beej, god.”

At that, Louis pulls off. “Well, that’s enough for you.” He stands up, pushes his own pants to the floor and steps out of them. He then wraps a hand around his dick, and starts tugging it to full hardness. Harry leans forward and licks up the side, placing a hand on Louis’ hip to pull him closer. Harry wraps his lips around the tip of Louis’ dick, working in tandem with the movement of Louis’ hand. 

Louis runs his free hand through Harry’s short curls, tugging lightly, and they both moan. 

After a couple of minutes, Louis pulls back, dick slipping out of Harry’s mouth, as he leans over to pick up the box from the couch, flipping it over to read from the back. “Okay, okay. Let’s do this, let’s use these things that are ‘specifically designed for more passion and excitement.’ See? How bad could it be?” 

Harry groans, and mutters under his breath, “Of course, when has something written on a box ever been a lie?” 

Louis narrows his eyes at him, while trying to open the box. “Say something, sweetie?” 

“No, hand me one of those things, let’s get this over with.”

Louis passes him a foil wrapper and keeps one for himself. “Should we maybe take this to the bedroom? I’m not sure I can keep it up while listening to this happy couple argue over upping their budget by a _mere_ twenty thousand.”

Harry snorts. “Yeah, okay. Bed’s more comfortable anyway.”

Louis sets off down the hallway and Harry follows, both of them flopping on their respective sides of the bed. Harry rolls onto Louis, catching his lips in a lazy kiss while slowly rutting his hips against Louis’, and reaches to take the foil wrapper from Louis’ hand so he can set them to the side.

Louis swipes his tongue against Harry’s lips, deepening the kiss, their dicks rubbing against one another. Louis groans, and reaches for the hem of Harry’s t shirt, attempting to pull it up and over Harry’s head. 

Harry sits up and pulls it off, throwing it off the side of the bed. He grabs the bottom of Louis’ shirt and works it halfway up his stomach, then says “Lift up a second, babe, gotta get this off.”

Louis does as asked, and Harry gets it off and tosses it in the general direction of where his shirt landed. He leans back down for one more kiss, then rolls off of Louis and picks up a condom, holding it out to his boyfriend.

“Alright, showtime. I wish you all the ‘passion and excitement’ in the world, dear.” 

Louis levels a look at him and tears the wrapper open, saying, “Don’t get smart, Harold.” He then rolls the condom on, and they both wait.

“Well?” Harry asks expectantly.

“Feels like a normal condom, to be honest. Oh. Well. Maybe I can feel something.” 

“Good something or bad something?”

“I don’t know yet, just something.” Louis strokes a hand over his dick a few times, Harry giving him a strange look. “What? It might be motion activated! Are you going to put yours on or not?”

Harry sighs. “Yeah, okay. Guess we’re in this together.” 

He’s just torn the packet open and is pulling the condom out when Louis grabs onto his arm. 

“Harry, wait. Maybe don’t do this, something is happening and I’m not so sure it’s a good something. My junk is like, really warm.”

“Maybe you should take it off, Lou.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay. It’s getting even warmer, I wonder when the ice part comes?”

“Take it off, we’re cutting your losses, it’s the thought that counts.”

Louis gasps, “My question about the ice portion has been answered,” he says through clenched teeth. He rolls the condom off quickly and yelps. “That made it _worse_ , I feel like I just stuck my dick in a bucket of ice water, _oh my god_.” 

“I’m gonna get you a warm washcloth, stay put!” Harry yells over his shoulder as he runs down the hallway to the bathroom.

“Where would I go?!” Louis shouts after him. “Now it feels like I’m being stabbed with a bunch of tiny needles, cool. Cool. This is fine,” he mutters to himself.

Harry is back in seconds, and hands him the cloth, while pressing kisses to his forehead. “I’m so sorry Lou, are you okay?”

Louis is carefully dabbing at his dick with the cloth. “Fuck, I think this might be making it worse, now I’ve got all three things happening at the same time. Fuck.” 

“Should I put mine on, too? Solidarity and all that?”

Louis stops to stare at him. “Harry, I appreciate it, I do, but you’re kind, not stupid.” 

Harry snorts. “Okay, fair point. I didn’t really want to, but I would if you wanted me to. Is it getting any better?” 

“Maybe a little. I’m sorry, H, but I don’t think anything is happening tonight, I’m too scarred from,” he gestures vaguely at his groin, “this.”

Harry bends down to pick their shirts up off the floor, handing Louis his before pulling his own over his head. “That’s okay. Wanna go back to the couch and snuggle? Maybe order food later?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Two episodes of House Hunters later, Louis has Harry’s dick down his throat, not pulling off until Harry comes with a shout.

“What was that for?” Harry asks, dazed. 

“Well, I did technically owe you a victory beej, so that’s one reason. And the other is that I wanted to thank you for not being annoying like every single person on this show is.” He kisses the tip before climbing back onto the couch next to Harry. “Pizza or Chinese?”

-

The next night, Harry walks into their bedroom after washing off a face mask, Louis laying in bed reading on his phone. Harry lays down and snuggles up next to him, leaning up to murmur, “Still want me to fuck you, baby?” in his ear. 

Louis shivers lightly, whispering, “Yeah, please.” 

Louis turns his head to catch Harry’s lips in a kiss that soon turns filthy. After a few moments, Harry pulls back and says, “Pants off, let’s go,” with a wink, rolling over to retrieve the lube from the bedside drawer.

Louis tries to scowl, but can’t help the giggle that slips out as he wriggles out of his pants and pulls his shirt over his head, left only in his socks. Harry rolls back over, hand behind his back, and arches a brow at him. 

“It’s _fall_ , Harry, my feet are cold, get over it.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“That eyebrow said about 32 words, I know you.”

“I was _going_ to tell you that I just read an article about how wearing socks can make you have better orgasms so you do not, in fact, know me at all.”

“Point temporarily accepted, but I want you to show me this article later.”

“Deal. I picked up some new lube for us to try, you game?”

“Yeah, sure, what kind is it? Flavored?”

“Tah-dah!” Harry pulls his arm from behind his back with a flourish, a tube of Icy Hot in his hand. 

Louis says nothing, just gets up, pulls his pants on, and walks out the door.

“Lou, come back! Baby!” Harry shouts. “Baby, I’m sorry! It was just a joke. Please come back?”

Harry lays there, worried he’s finally crossed a line, when Louis reappears in the door, and points a finger at him. 

“It’s _this close_ ,” Louis holds up two fingers a hair’s width apart, “to too soon, but you’re going to fuck me because I’m too horny to be actually mad at you.”

“I’m so sorry, Lou, I thought it would be funny, I didn’t mean to really upset you. I did get new lube, but it’s the kind you like. Tried and true, promise.” Harry pats the bed next to him. “Come lay down, let me take care of you.”

Louis walks to the bed and lays down on his front, spreading his legs slightly to give Harry better access. 

Harry settles in between his legs and leans forward to press light kisses down his spine, running his hands over Louis’ back as he goes. “So gorgeous, Lou, m’so lucky. Love getting to see you like this, love that you trust me like this. And I think you’re cute in your socks,” he adds, lightly pinching Louis’ ass. 

He flicks open the lube cap after retrieving it from under the pillow where he’d stashed it earlier during the Icy Hot incident, and pours some out on two fingers. He trails one down Louis’ crack, pressing lightly at his hole as he passes over it, teasing. After a few more passes he gently presses his pointer finger in to the first knuckle, and Louis moans. 

He works it in and out a few times, then tucks in a second finger alongside it, scissoring them slightly. Louis starts to rock back on his fingers, quiet whines slipping out of his mouth. 

“Feels good, H, want you in me.”

“Not yet, don’t wanna hurt you,” Harry says, slipping in a third finger. 

Louis groans and fists his hands in the sheets, shifting back to try and get more leverage on Harry’s fingers. 

“Always so impatient, can’t just enjoy the journey can you?”

“Everyone knows,” Louis replies through gritted teeth, “that the destination is the _point_ of the journey.” 

Harry leans up to lick the shell of Louis’ ear and whispers, “Shhhh. I’ve got you,” as he pulls his fingers out. He sits back to coat himself in more lube, then grabs Louis’ cheeks, one in each hand, gently pushing them apart so he can line himself up and press in. 

He goes slowly, partially not wanting to hurt Louis, partially wanting to make him wait for it, knows it’ll rile him up even more. When he bottoms out, hands on Louis’ hips, he stays still until Louis tries to grind back onto him. 

When that happens, he pulls almost all the way out and pushes back in to the hilt, setting a rhythm that has Louis moaning under him, trying to meet his thrusts, unable to get enough leverage to do so effectively. 

A few minutes later, Harry pulls up on Louis’ hips and says, “Hands and knees, baby.”

As soon as Louis changes his position, Harry starts hitting his prostate on every thrust, and wraps a hand around Louis’ dick, working it in time with his hips. 

Louis keens and pushes back to meet Harry thrust for thrust. “I’m so close, feels so good,” he pants. 

Harry can only grunt in response, slightly tightening his grip on Louis’ dick, thumbing over the tip when he pushes in. Seconds later, Louis is coming with a chant of “Yeah, yeah, _yeah_ ,” collapsing onto his elbows as Harry keeps going, following him over the edge a few thrusts later. 

Louis lays down flat, spent, and Harry follows, not bothering to pull out. 

“Love fucking you,” Harry mumbles into his neck. “Love when you fuck me. Love doing all the things with you, really.”

Louis snickers. “Wait ‘til we buy a house. I already hate the color of everything we look at, multiple years in the future.”

Harry takes that as his cue to pull out, smacking Louis on this ass as he does so. “Lucky you, I understand how paint works. As long as we have plenty of space to entertain.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'll add better notes once authors are revealed, but many thanks to my cheerleaders, and my beta, and to the mods for organizing this fun fest!


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